“The best revenge is not to be like your enemy.” -Marcus Aurelius

As much as we wish some people would change, many will always be stuck in their own ways. We are not in any control of their actions or attitudes, we are our own responsibility. This is why it is important to absorb the words of Marcus Aurelius and never dip to the lows of our enemies. Success is excellent for revenge; but realigning your spirit, being a service to others, and reinforcing the pathway to achieve success are ways to rise above our opposition.

By now, it’s been thrown in our face how truly precious life is and that our status provides no insurance. Nevertheless our emotions, ego, and free-will pin us against a wall and distract us with insignificant influences. These influences don’t allow us to optimize our day to day effort, they oppose the effort. People are affected by what others say or do, because human nature does not always decipher good spirit from spitefulness. The quality of conversation is sadly becoming more obsolete, it’s more about the signaling. This is where our enemies can manipulate the conversation to hedge their benefit, as they seek to invert authenticity with harsh reality. Constructive criticism comes from a support system that not does merely expose our flaws, but provides a variety of options to work towards. The opposition will blast you with notions that will trip you up in running through life in a step by step process. Notice, if they trip you, they are clearly running behind you.

We must resist running behind people, and instead pace beside them. The enemy will stand behind you for two reasons: for floatation when success reaches the finish line, or unhitch when the plan goes off course. Not allowing these assumed advocates to merely follow you requires good judgment in others, but to not become the assumed advocate requires good judgment in yourself. We must desire to realign our spirit with what cultivates our liberties and virtues. Do not be a false prophet for others’ plans, and instead be a service to them. Provide them with reinforcement if things are on point, but do not walk beside them in hesitation if things are not well. Find the balance, keep up the pace, continue to be beside them when the plan is reinforced towards a straight path, and navigate with them towards the destination. Do not be like the enemy.

I would consider myself to be a philomath, because of the urgency I possess to always refine my crafts and pursue my passions. A philomath is a philosophical term used to describe someone who is a lover of knowledge and studying. I am not a traditional studier in the sense of reading information verbatim, and then attempting to memorize that information; but rather I pick up the information that resonates most with me in order to implement as a daily practice. All people have at least one natural talent, but the amount of skills an individual holds can vary widely. In order to develop a skill, one must be willing to not only consume information, but apply in consistent practice to refine that information towards their skills. Learning something every day is so critical and we all unconsciously learn new information daily, but what is the point of learning new things just to discard them moments later? On average, our brain discards nearly 80% of newly learned information after only one day. This could explain why many of us are so opinion driven in argumentation and debate, because even facts of topics we feel strongly about ultimately get omitted from our memory just based on how the brain functions. The great philosopher Plato famously said — “Opinion is the medium between knowledge and ignorance”.

In the golden age of social media and instant interaction, our society is quick to accept and regurgitate opinion before confirming it as either knowledge or ignorance. The danger of us this nature is that opinion is now the new age news, and is often used to mimic truth.  Therefore, we must practice detection of truth rather than openly accept truth. This is why books are an ideal information outlet rather than social media or most news platforms; because books are conceived through research, meditated thought process, and are forms of permanent record so the information can properly be identified as truth. Now, the whole objective to learning is gaining wisdom. So if we are learning from a tweet or politically skewed news headline that can be disposed or edited in a couple of clicks, is that really gaining wisdom? Learning reputable knowledge detection and studying key truths will allow someone to improve self-esteem, gain perspective to innovate, and ultimately nurture a clear and calmer mind not cluttered with opinion. Once you achieve objective learning and thinking you can reasonably share the knowledge with your family, friends, and colleagues; and in turn achieve the purpose of servicing your community to be better than they were yesterday.

*BONUS: If reading just really isn’t your preference for informational growth, I highly recommend watching a TEDTalk at some point in your daily spare time, but be sure to research the background of the speaker prior to watching. This ensures to your conscious that you are being fed well-reasoned information that is not structured by political agenda, and opens up your mind for independent thinking and criticism*

When we think of compassion, it is typically assumed that giving condolences or being considerate when others are down is being compassionate. The Latin origin for the word compassion is to “suffer together”. In this current climate, compassion is a necessity while most of us are enduring are own version of suffer. While suffering together can drive community forward, it is not the only component in genuine compassion. Compassion is not merely a feeling, but rather an intentional action as well. Compassion isn’t an instant gratification like a social media share or physical pleasure, but compassion cultivates long term gratification and propels us towards stillness. A boost in our stillness can reap many long term benefits, but with any action compassion takes practice and consistency. This is why one must be willing and open to genuine compassion, or else the action is doomed from the start. Let’s say someone you know has lost their job amidst this economic downswing, our generic reaction to give them condolences and asking if they’re doing “okay”. Here, our attempt at compassion instantly fails, because the approach is from the top-down and beside them. Instead of offering them condolences, offer them help when (not if) it ever becomes necessary; and instead of asking if they’re “okay”, provide them with a safeguard that you are walking beside them during this storm. This is how you share suffering through the means of actioned compassion.

Empathy is vital in community, but our society throughout generations has attempted to construct who deserves empathy. Compassion ought to be boundless and does not understand discrimination, injustice, or hierarchy. Compassion can dissipate with tensions that involve racial, religious, or socioeconomic difference. The instinct typically exercised in these conflicts lead to three actions: refute, refuse, or retreat which all act against compassion. When you have that confrontation with an older person of a different skin color, ask them about their day as opposed to fueling their ignorance. Offer the person shares a different ideology than you the same love and generosity that you would a family member, not allowing them to demean you based on your belief system. Lastly, it’s okay to feel skeptical about giving money to that homeless individual, instead offer them an encouraging conversation or a gesture that holds more value than a dollar.

Let it not be untold, compassion for yourself is also critical to prolonged health. Many times, our insecurities and shortcomings contrive from us being our biggest critic. Do not allow refutation, refusal, or retreat to stop you. Exercise self compassion through meditation, reading, consulting others when you feel subjective, or even simply smiling. While uncomfortable, practicing these types of exercises in moments of self conflict will terminate anxiety in the long term.

An important lesson in the stoicism books I have had reading emphasize on focusing on what you can control. Sit back and ask this question before reading further: “How many things in your life do you REALLY have control over?” When meditating on that question, the harsh reality is that we don’t have much control over our lives. We repel this reality, because humans fear adversity, and their ego feels abused when free will is not at full optimization. Our ego has gravely misunderstood, because we do have full grasp of our free will, even when the situation mirages itself as fixed. Marcus Aurelius said “The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it”. This can become a touchy subject, defining what is controllable and what is not. In today’s journal, I will elaborate on a couple areas that are controllable, and things that while we wish we had grasp over; are things we must embrace, cleanse, and walk away from.

THE CONTROLLABLE:

Focused Effort

Consider your work, school, friends, relationships, and family. When things are going well or as expected in those sectors, we are relaxed and with little worry. However, when you get yelled at on the job, fail your exam, or argue with a loved one everything seems to fly off the hinges in a matter of moments. This comes from the dissatisfaction of our ego and the natural spike in our defense mechanisms. Goals are also relevant here, as we sell ourselves short or completely bypass an opportunity in speculation of dissatisfaction or failure. As humans, we focus too much on events and not effort. Practice focus on effort rather than the events in your life, and examine your circumstances change and your anxiety levels fall.

THE NON-CONTROLLABLE:

Other People

In a time in history where social comparison and “clout chasing” has reached insurmountable heights, the reliability of genuine interaction is in question. I will say this many times in my forthcoming posts, that the highest human act is to inspire. Many people spend too much time, effort, and focus towards misunderstanding inspiration by placing themselves on a social hierarchy for others to emulate them. That is the essence of zero-sum game, and plays a critical role in our ego’s imbalance. When I was a teenager, my mother passed along to me a famous phrase by President Theodore Roosevelt famously stating: “Comparison is the thief of joy”. Therefore, do not let anyone steal your joy. You have no firm influence in their life, refuse to be the victim of need.

THE CONTROLLABLE:

Focused Attitude

The previous two steps are necessary to master in order to move forward to this step. Attitude is composed of three things: emotions, behavior, and cognition. Emotions (affection) is where the core of our attitude festers, which explains how emotions ranging from happiness to fear dictate our attitude. During this time of social distancing, we should assess our emotions in an attempt to discover how they reflect our attitude.  Next is behavior, which is more explicit to us and others, because it exposes itself when exposed to attitude objects. If you enjoy exercise, your behavior is going to shine brightly after a successful workout. If you fear conflict, your behavior is to reflect erratic or melancholy in response to an argument. Behavior comes from repetition, so if you believe change in your behavior is necessary, make it a focal point to craft it during exposed moments (EX: an optimistic response to a pessimistic situation). Lastly, cognition is your beliefs, thoughts, and overall knowledge. Strong cognition is adapted from avoiding assumptions and generalizations, and basing beliefs through your own personal experience. For example, some may consider President Trump to have weak cognition in his attitude, as his beliefs and thoughts towards opposing views overshadow the knowledge he may have as a well-renowned and successful financial icon.  Ultimately, cognition is rooted by subjectivity, mastering objective conclusions and open mindedness elevates your attitude.

THE NON-CONTROLLABLE:

Nature

The concept of nature expands beyond many topics. These topics cover anything from the weather, biology, and the supernatural. Let’s be honest, we’ve all complained about the rain or heat, or even cursed the meteorologist for his failed forecast of that day’s weather. Now who’s fault is that? Nobody’s fault, duh. Mother Nature is her own entity, so allowing the nature’s climate to dictate our attitude and effort is a selfish decision. The same goes for biology. Fortunately, our vast developments in science have assisted in the outcome of certain health deterioration, but inevitably we are all going to succumb to mortality. And that’s okay, do not fight this phenomenon, but instead fix your effort and attitude towards living life to its fullest. Most importantly, no matter your perspective on nature beyond what we can see, we must not fear potential failures and fate. Instead, embrace it.