An important lesson in the stoicism books I have had reading emphasize on focusing on what you can control. Sit back and ask this question before reading further: “How many things in your life do you REALLY have control over?” When meditating on that question, the harsh reality is that we don’t have much control over our lives. We repel this reality, because humans fear adversity, and their ego feels abused when free will is not at full optimization. Our ego has gravely misunderstood, because we do have full grasp of our free will, even when the situation mirages itself as fixed. Marcus Aurelius said “The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it”. This can become a touchy subject, defining what is controllable and what is not. In today’s journal, I will elaborate on a couple areas that are controllable, and things that while we wish we had grasp over; are things we must embrace, cleanse, and walk away from.

THE CONTROLLABLE:

Focused Effort

Consider your work, school, friends, relationships, and family. When things are going well or as expected in those sectors, we are relaxed and with little worry. However, when you get yelled at on the job, fail your exam, or argue with a loved one everything seems to fly off the hinges in a matter of moments. This comes from the dissatisfaction of our ego and the natural spike in our defense mechanisms. Goals are also relevant here, as we sell ourselves short or completely bypass an opportunity in speculation of dissatisfaction or failure. As humans, we focus too much on events and not effort. Practice focus on effort rather than the events in your life, and examine your circumstances change and your anxiety levels fall.

THE NON-CONTROLLABLE:

Other People

In a time in history where social comparison and “clout chasing” has reached insurmountable heights, the reliability of genuine interaction is in question. I will say this many times in my forthcoming posts, that the highest human act is to inspire. Many people spend too much time, effort, and focus towards misunderstanding inspiration by placing themselves on a social hierarchy for others to emulate them. That is the essence of zero-sum game, and plays a critical role in our ego’s imbalance. When I was a teenager, my mother passed along to me a famous phrase by President Theodore Roosevelt famously stating: “Comparison is the thief of joy”. Therefore, do not let anyone steal your joy. You have no firm influence in their life, refuse to be the victim of need.

THE CONTROLLABLE:

Focused Attitude

The previous two steps are necessary to master in order to move forward to this step. Attitude is composed of three things: emotions, behavior, and cognition. Emotions (affection) is where the core of our attitude festers, which explains how emotions ranging from happiness to fear dictate our attitude. During this time of social distancing, we should assess our emotions in an attempt to discover how they reflect our attitude.  Next is behavior, which is more explicit to us and others, because it exposes itself when exposed to attitude objects. If you enjoy exercise, your behavior is going to shine brightly after a successful workout. If you fear conflict, your behavior is to reflect erratic or melancholy in response to an argument. Behavior comes from repetition, so if you believe change in your behavior is necessary, make it a focal point to craft it during exposed moments (EX: an optimistic response to a pessimistic situation). Lastly, cognition is your beliefs, thoughts, and overall knowledge. Strong cognition is adapted from avoiding assumptions and generalizations, and basing beliefs through your own personal experience. For example, some may consider President Trump to have weak cognition in his attitude, as his beliefs and thoughts towards opposing views overshadow the knowledge he may have as a well-renowned and successful financial icon.  Ultimately, cognition is rooted by subjectivity, mastering objective conclusions and open mindedness elevates your attitude.

THE NON-CONTROLLABLE:

Nature

The concept of nature expands beyond many topics. These topics cover anything from the weather, biology, and the supernatural. Let’s be honest, we’ve all complained about the rain or heat, or even cursed the meteorologist for his failed forecast of that day’s weather. Now who’s fault is that? Nobody’s fault, duh. Mother Nature is her own entity, so allowing the nature’s climate to dictate our attitude and effort is a selfish decision. The same goes for biology. Fortunately, our vast developments in science have assisted in the outcome of certain health deterioration, but inevitably we are all going to succumb to mortality. And that’s okay, do not fight this phenomenon, but instead fix your effort and attitude towards living life to its fullest. Most importantly, no matter your perspective on nature beyond what we can see, we must not fear potential failures and fate. Instead, embrace it.